the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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