I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
