i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
