whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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