This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
