So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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