Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
