I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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