The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't turn off my feet"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
