Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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