im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
