Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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