and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
