quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
