Pappa wants mamma naked
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
