SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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