I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
