fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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