all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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