Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
