I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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