SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
organizing the empties. That sober.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
