It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
