you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
