Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
