I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
