Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
