I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
