I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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