Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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