know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
