In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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