Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
