So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
