new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
where are you?
Hypothermia
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
