He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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your like the ambassador to my penis.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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