dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
