i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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