K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
