oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
