You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
