she woke up with a sticky ear
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
