My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
