my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
