I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
did i just pee glitter
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