i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
