When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
