Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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