Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
