yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
