You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
