I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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