Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
