help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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