Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
