I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
