i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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