That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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