i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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