new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
