dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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