I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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