That's intense
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
