I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
