I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
