Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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