Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
