Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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