trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
