College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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