took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm bleeding and have questions
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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