i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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