and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
