I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
