last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
